Just today, I think I heard the words that I’ve been waiting to hear my entire life. “The Science-Narrative Link”. Finally, I have a name for the thing that speaks to me so profoundly that I get SUPER excited by the idea of starting a blog of all things, for no apparently worthwhile reason. No audience. No marketing plan. No foreseeable path to revenue, let alone profit. Plus, “blog”, yuck. As much as I have come to respect the medium, the people of it, and the work that they do, I cannot seem to shake the mental image of a wannabe hack updating all 12 of their followers on which flavors of froyo their cat likes best. But yet, I love the idea. I know why I love it, but I didn’t have a name for why I love it. Ever since I can remember, I’ve loved explaining things to people. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. Until now, it’s probably why I’ve never been particularly good at anything. The second that I feel I understand enough about a topic to blow the mind of an uninitiated, I’m bored. I’m not a lover OR a fighter, despite the rumors of great prowess in both. I’m not a doer or a teacher, again against ample evidence to the contrary. I do fancy myself a bit of a story teller, but compared to Stephen King or even Stephen Hawking I leave a great deal to be desired when it comes to create a story. I love to tell stories. I know I truly love to tell stories because I most of the time I think that we all do. Every so often I return to the surface for a brief lungful of reality, and in that moment, I realize that this must not be so. There must be those who prefer to listen than to speak; though wherever they live, it must not have an exit off of I-95. There must be those who prefer to hear a good story than to tell one. Public speaking is among the greatest fears of all, or so they say. There are both introverts and extroverts, and everything in-between. Some people may not like to tell stories just because they don’t. Maybe those people prefer crocheting or sky-diving, who knows? But it only for the briefest of moments that I can imagine the people exist, for the joy that I feel when I tell a story surely can have no boundaries. I am an explainer, for whatever that’s worth.
I have so many things I want to tell people about that I can hardly slow down enough to make the list. Bitcoin and how it could take us forward to the past. Psychedelics – why Trix aren’t just for kids. Hunting – why killing an 800lbs forest horse that has swords on its head with a bow and arrow is far more humane than ordering a 4 pack of chicken nuggets at Wendy’s (dammit now I’m hungry), and Factory Farming – why vegans might actually have a point, if being a vegan was actually at all possible. Medical Marijuana and why my mom works for Lucifer. That one time that a girl OD’d on heroin and almost died in my arms, so of course I hid the dope after I called 911, then a week later after I helped her check into rehab I thought to myself, “It sure would be a shame to let all this perfectly good heroin go to waste…”. Why I want to be all tribal and either love or hate Trump, but there’s actually a lot going on there. The REAL riddle of the Sphinx – who the three guys that you probably haven’t heard of are that can explain that there is good evidence to support the Sphinx being there BEFORE Egypt. Milo Yiannopolis seems like a cool dude, and Jason should like him. Transgender Pronouns and Marxism – if you haven’t heard Jordan Peterson talk, stop whatever you’re doing and go to YouTube right now; I’ll wait. Now that you’re back, what commie-wannabes forget, is that they don’t know how Dunbar’s number works. House of Cards is so gooood! Our school system should not be underfunded, it’s fucked from the top and the bottom; typically I pay a lot extra for that. While we’re at it, learning how to fight should be part of PE, leaving children to their own devices defending themselves is like teaching abstinence only sex ed. Game of Thrones is back soon! Football! Chael Sonnen is the greatest thing that has ever thinged in the history of ever, and I can prove it in 12 easy steps. “What’s wrong with being a skeptic in 2017?” – The problem of the uninformed skeptic who doesn’t actually know how to do research. How podcasts and audio books are changing my life and I’m probably not even doing it right. The problem with the left vs the right – there are like a million other fucking directions. Stuff that I even more blatantly stole from other people who probably properly credited it to the person who borrowed its boss or professor, but make me sound super smart. Why the Bible was right all along and atheists needs to get over it.
This is what gets me excited. This is what gets me up in the morning, even though my job is allegedly to sell life insurance to poor people in New Jersey. This is what got me up in the morning when I spent hours explaining cosmology to teenagers instead of properly managing a Karate Atlanta location. This is what got me up in the afternoon when I was smoking my way through Florida State University. GO NOLES!!! And now I know what it is, or I’ve finally learned what it’s called. A seemingly innocuous throw in, on a different topic by Hunter Maats on the Joe Rogan Experience (sweet leg kicks!!). In the era of super-job-specialization, there is a gap between the researchers of the world, and everyone else. Be honest with yourself. No one reads science. No one. Not even the people who write science. They’re the only ones who could even read whatever insane language it is that they’re using anyway. Trust me, I’ve tried. Plus, people who are writing good science are far too busy to read anything anyone else has to say on any other topics. That’s what makes them good. And if any of us bothered reading up on any of the sides of arguments that we aren’t on, Twitter would barely even be a thing.
This explains WHY we’ve gotten so off course that we can’t even understand each other as human beings in 2017. We’ve lost the voice of our story-tellers, at least the good ones, at least in this county. Have you stopped to wonder why a fat black Carl Sagan knock-off is so popular? Why John Stewart turned 22 min, 4 nights a week on Comedy Central in a phenomenon? Why comedians in 2017 don’t jokes, they do bits on political and social commentary? Because we are desperate to have voices that can make the world make sense with a story. J.K. Rowling is now the richest person in England and her story wasn’t even original. It wasn’t even new! It was the story of Horus. The story Joseph Campbell will tell you is really the story of all heroes. The story of Jesus. The Story of Anakin Skywalker. She didn’t make that story up, because no one made that story up. That story is real. The archetypal story of the good and the evil inside of us all is as old as humanity. But no one reads Carl Jung. No one actually reads Schrodinger. Hell, I’ve listened to two people who wouldn’t know Corinthians I from their ass-hole, argue about Christianity for HOURS. But, who could ever forget Harry and Ron and Hermione?
If I tell you that X part of black culture actually shows derivative signs of Y part of Western English culture, and that you probably haven’t thought about the implications of cross-cultural impact, I can start to hear you snore. BUT, if I tell you a story about how Donald Trump is Muhammad for both White AND Black red-necks, now we might have something going here. The “myths” of mythology, the stories of the Old Testament that don’t make any sense, the Book of the 5 Rings, these are not made up stories. They are not bullshit. They are how the great story tellers of the past explained the greater truths of their time to the people who were busy doing other shit. Characters make stories. These stories don’t make sense to us, because we are sorely lacking for great story tellers to explain the world to us.
This is my quest. This is what I am here to do, and hopefully to inspire others to do as well. Not to write the stories that I see as correct, but to learn the truth of the stories that have always been. To learn the truth of the world around us and relay it back you as a story. Something we can all understand and take with us. That way maybe, just maybe, we can all know a little bit more about why others may disagree with is. Maybe we can have a little bit more perspective. One can only truly disagree with someone else if they understand the other’s position. Without understanding, one can only be an asshole.
I’ll close by telling you a story that you probably don’t know that you already know. It’s the story of your inner-child diving down in the deepest darkest depths of your inner-being, searching for answers. Searching for the truth of who he is, who you are, through the strangest of experiences. Some people need no help to have crazy experiences. Some seek them through meditation or drug use. There are a thousand different ways, but take solace in this. No matter where you, or your inner-child, are on this road to enlightenment, you already know the whole story. You’ve already been told how it goes. If you want a refresher, our wonderful world of technology will be happy to oblige. All you have to do is google your inner-child. His name is Pinocchio.